Episode 89: I Apologize For My Silence About What Really Matters

*some links included in the show notes may be affiliate links (see disclaimer below)*

🎙 The Changemaker with Marie Beecham

🎙 The Soul’s Way with Emily Anne Brant 

📚 White Women: Everything You Need To Know About Your Own Racism And How To Do Better by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao

👩🏼‍💻 The Decolonized Coach Course

🌳  The Forest

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🌲 Work with Cindy by joining Forestmind, a comfy, cozy, private, small-group mastermind.

🏔 Connect on Instagram for more practical magick for your life and business.

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DISCLAIMER

Some links included in this description may be affiliate links. If you purchase a product or service with the links that I provide I may receive a small commission, however there is no additional charge to you. Thank you for supporting Mountain Practice Journeys so I can continue to provide you with free content!

Links to other websites, products, and services do not endorse or guarantee the services, products, or information contained at the other sites. The information, products, resources, materials, services, and documents found here are not intended to be a substitute for legal, financial, or other professional advice, nor does their use establish a professional relationship between you and Cindy Norton or Mountain Practice Journeys.

INTRO

This is the Mountain Practice Journeys podcast and I’m your host, Cindy. I gladly welcome you to this comfy, cozy space for introverts, highly sensitive people, and solopreneurs who help and heal. This is the place for practical, nature-based, magickal support for your business and life. Gather around the hearth, get comfortable, and settle in. I’m glad you’re here.

MAIN

Hello there, and welcome back to the Mountain Practice Journeys podcast! I’m your host, Cindy. Here in Episode 89 I’m going to apologize for my silence. For my silence on everything that is important to me. For my silence on what matters most in today’s society.

Before we dig in, let me share that I’ll be using the term Global Majority here to represent the over 80% of not white peoples. This is alternative language to racialized terms such as “minority” and “person of color.”

I thought that I could have the best of both worlds by doing things behind the scenes. Let me explain what I mean by this.

When I’m going along in my everyday life, I’m looking for global majority businesses to support. I buy (and voraciously consume and do my very best to embody) books on anti-racism, decolonization, and related topics to educate myself. I listen to a myriad of podcasts by global majority folks so that I’m not walking through life in my white privilege bubble. I want to know better and I want to do better.

I was playing it safe though. By doing all this work in silence, and in a silo – while it has been helpful to me – it was still in silence. And silence is one of the worst things I can do – I have always known this.

I let my own fear get in the way. I could probably blame it on my perfectionism*, my introversion, my high sensitivity, and my absolute terror of saying the wrong thing or causing further harm that seems to paralyze me from taking any public action.

[*And it’s important to note here that perfectionism only undermines the ability to dismantle the culture of white supremacy.]

I could also say that I’m not the “vocal/activist/on the front lines” type of person. I do things in a quiet way. But I am coming to learn that “quiet and gentle” do not equate with “silence”.

I also had the thought of “I’m just going to let my online social media presence on my business account just be about my business and I’ll do a lot of the work on my own in my personal life.” – (I’m cringing while saying this because this work is so intrinsically related to my business. It’s fucking embarrassing because every bone in my body knows better.)

But honestly, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I became more vocal in my business about what really matters? Maybe someone saying to me, “I don’t like what you said.” or “You said that the wrong way.” or “You should just stick to business topics.” or “We don’t use that word or terminology anymore – here’s what to say instead.”

As women, standing up and using our voices on important matters can trigger a deep, ancient, ancestral fear. So the fear that I have been feeling, in my experience, is not the reality of the situation today (hello, witch wound and ancestral trauma).

I’ve got to learn to separate the ancient internal fear that I’m going to be burned at the stake for using my voice on important matters from the much smaller inconvenience that someone may have a problem with the way I said something.

I’m committed to doing better – and not just “behind the scenes.”

And another block that I ran into was that I did not in any way want to come across as being performative or as if I’m just checking the boxes. I really, really wanted to ensure that I’m using my voice on matters – not because I was told to, or I “should”, or “you’ll look bad if you don’t”, but – because it’s true and heartfelt. All while acknowledging that I’m learning and I’m taking the risk of messing up.

So all the those “behind the scenes” things I was doing to support others and educate myself – I thought that it would come across as bragging and performative if I talked about them all the time. So I was silent.

But this is not helpful for me to do. By doing all the work in silence, there’s no way for those of the global majority to know that I’m committed to anti-racism and decolonization. I’m just gonna look like another oblivious white woman that is unaware of her privilege – which is far from the truth, but how would anyone know?

Remember when everyone put the black boxes on their Instagram posts back in 2020? I believe it was called Blackout Tuesday. I did not post the black square mainly because I didn’t just want to follow along with the crowd and look performative. I also read several articles that challenged this action and how it didn’t help like it was intended to.

However, this is an example of how I stayed silent. I could have said something but I didn’t. And I honestly didn’t know what I could have said that would have helped in any way. But I could have tried. And I could have risked saying the wrong thing.

But after the fact, and learning how the black squares faced some critics, it almost confirmed for me that I need to be really careful when speaking out because I may be unhelpful or make things worse, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

I give this example because each time you stay silent it makes it harder to speak up the next time something needs to be said – because you may have the thought, “I should have said something before and I didn’t, so now I’m gonna look like an asshole because I’m saying this much too late.”

And each time that happens, it reinforces that thought, so the longer you take to speak up, the harder it can be to speak up. And I can hear my own internal critic saying… “Well, it took you long enough, didn’t it?”

So I’m doing the thing and talking about this now looking like a Medium Asshole so that I don’t look like Larger Asshole for waiting another year to speak up.

So, why now? I feel that I’m at a place now, through my own personal work, that I can post more regularly and begin speaking up on anti-racism and decolonization because I feel very confident that I am not performing and that my acts are genuine and from the heart.

Would it have been even better if I spoke up before I felt ready? Absolutely. But all I can be is in the present moment, and not allow past regrets to prevent growth and learning in the present.

It is true that we each have our own way of showing up to do this work. Some people are going to be very vocal on social media, and that’s how they are making a change. Some people are going to donate money to causes they believe in, and that’s how they are making a change. Some people are going to educate themselves via books and podcasts and have very important and hard conversations with their friends and family, and that’s how they are making a change.

And just because some of these things are more visible than others does not mean they are better. We all have our way of showing up in the world and we need a variety of approaches to make lasting and meaningful change.

Your preferred way of showing up is not always going to be comfortable, but know that it’s a beautiful thing.

To my white friends and colleagues – please be engaging in the work of anti-racism and decolonization. This is the absolute most important work that we can be doing right now. It’s much more important than that “10x your business” bullshit that you may be investing your money and time into.

To get started on your anti-racism and decolonization journey I’m gonna make a few recommendations.

If you’re into podcasts, I recommend listening to The Changemaker with Marie Beecham and The Soul’s Way with Emily Anne Brant.

If you’re into books, I highly recommend that you read White Women: Everything You Need To Know About Your Own Racism And How To Do Better by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao. (And stay tuned to the end of this episode and I’ll let you know about a book club I’m hosting in The Forest for this book.)

And if you’re in the coaching or personal development industry you’ve got to follow Emily Anne Brant on Instagram and enroll in her Decolonized Coach Course. I’m currently taking the course and I’d love to have you join in.

I’m calling on you to fully engage and do the work. Don’t just listen to the podcast, take away a pearl of wisdom and act upon it. Don’t just read the book, embody it. Don’t just enroll in a course, but practice what you are learning every day.

Decolonization is a process. Take one step at a time. Do a little better each and every day. And most importantly, don’t stay silent.

Well, there you go. I can feel perfectionism creeping in. And remember that perfectionism upholds white supremacy and is the enemy of the work of anti-racism and decolonization. Perfectionism has me questioning if I was able to articulate myself in the way that I wanted to. I’m wondering if I was able to approach these important topics with the reverence and respect that they deserve. I’m wondering what people will think of me. I’m wondering if I messed up in any way.

But I’m also feeling a sense of relief as I let perfectionism slip away. I’m actually feeling okay knowing that I’m probably going to stumble as I move forward with this important work. And I can tell you that I’ll take that a million times over standing still. I truly apologize for my silence about what really matters and I’ll not be standing still anymore.

ACORN (Tarot Card Pull)

Welcome to the acorn segment. With each solo episode I’ll be drawing a tarot card to help provide some magickal inspiration and insight.

The card for this episode is the Knight of Pentacles.

I’ll describe the card for those of you who may not be familiar. This card features an armored knight sitting on a black horse and he is holding a coin in his hand and looking at it. The horse is standing still in a plowed field and there is a bright yellow background.

Various meanings of this card may include hard work, patience, productivity, and routine.

This card is encouraging you to continue on toward your goals, even though the journey right now may feel monotonous or boring. What you’re working toward is not going to be accomplished overnight, although you may wish it could be because you are ready to see it come to life. But rest assured that you will reach your goal over time and you will be proud of the outcome because you took the time to ensure that the project is to the highest standards, even though the work may have felt dull at times.

Even though you may be tired, the Knight of Pentacles is asking for your patience. You don’t have to hustle. Take breaks, replenish yourself, and continue on the path to your goals. Success is at the end of this leg of the journey.

And this card can also be applied to the topic of this episode. The way that I see the connection is the representation of the determination, hard work, and persistence that will be needed from all of us to decolonize. Colonization didn’t happen overnight, and it won’t go away overnight. But with all our dedication, we can make the world a better place for all.

I’ll post a picture of the card along with the message today on my instagram @mountainpracticejourneys so head on over and let me know if this message resonates with you at this time.

THANKS

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I want to take a minute to talk about the book club I mentioned earlier. In my free community for women and femme called The Forest, I’ll be hosting an online book club for the book White Women on Saturday, July 29th at 11:00am Eastern. So be sure to check out what The Forest is all about, read the description, and join in if you feel called. I’ll share a link in the show notes, or you can go to mountainpracticejourneys.com/forest

For episode 90 I’ll be chatting with Michael Tui of Integrative Family Counseling about the healing powers of play therapy.

If you haven’t yet listened to Episode 88, I urge you to do that. In that episode I talked with Shannon Heers of Firelight Supervision about specialized consultation for highly sensitive therapists.

OUTRO

I’m truly grateful that you choose to join me here for practical, nature-based, magickal support for your business and life. For more inspiration and to see what I’m up to, join me over on instagram @mountainpracticejourneys If you’re enjoying yourself here, please head over to Apple Podcasts and hit those 5 stars and I’ll be over the moon. If you’d like to work with me, join me in Forestmind, my cozy, supportive, small-group mastermind for introverted, highly sensitive solopreneurs who help and heal. And I’d love to see you at a Tiny Retreat sometime. May the forest be with you.